Posted by Sharklady on February 07, 1999 at 21:20:34:
In Reply to: A! Meets the X-Files posted by Craig on February 07, 1999 at 18:50:27:
(Dot produces a big meerschaum pipe out of nowhere, sticks it into the corner of her mouth [a la Sherlock Holmes], and proceeds to blow bubbles from it.)
DOT: All right, sibs; the best way to determine who's behind this USA Poll fraud is to reconstruct the nature of the crime, and thus produce a profile of just what sort of personality would want to commit it.
WAKKO AND YAKKO: Right!!
DOT: So, first of all: it's universally agreed, that this USA Cartoon poll is Really Dumb. I mean, could anybody with respect for cartoons or their viewers have come up with *those* matches?
WAKKO: Oh, you're right! 'The Simpsons' versus 'The Smurfs'- give me a break!
YAKKO: And 'Pink Panther' versus 'Pinky and the Brain'- I bet they matched them on no other basis then the common element of Pinkness!
DOT: (shifting pipe) Second: it had to've taken a fair amount of effort and time, to organize and conduct the poll cheating....
WAKKO: Well, I don't understand much about all these computer thingees- but I'll take your word for it.
DOT: Thank you, Bro! Anyway, the inavoidable conclusion is; our culprits are individuals who are willing to expend a lot of time and effort in order to be able to say their favored program won a Very Dumb Poll.
YAKKO: Oh, that does narrow the field! Especially since, if victory was gained unfairly, the winner's title really translates to 'The Show Whose Supporters Are The Most Effective Cheats.' Kinna pathetic, isn't it?
DOT: Not that USA will ever admit it that's what their contest is about...
WAKKO: Yeah, they probably don't care whether their poll results are accurate or not, so long as they get a lot of internet hits.
YAKKO: (frowning) It does make me kinna annoyed, that USA has such little respect for people who might actually be interested in accurate results! Obviously they didn't take many precautions against this kind of falsifying.
WAKKO: Oh, don't get your pants in a bind over it, Yakko! After all, it's *just* cartoons.... (doubletake) What am I saying??!!
DOT: Ergo: we now have a probable Personality Profile of our cartoon-poll-cheaters. It's time for us to present our theories to Muldar and Scully.