Posted by Sharklady on February 07, 1999 at 18:02:20:
In Reply to: The A! cast in: "Space Jam 2" posted by Brainatra on February 03, 1999 at 19:55:01:
SCENE: A small, battered fishing boat- the 'Oprah- far out from shore. Pinky, in a black tee shirt, sits on a deck chair on the stern, fishing with an ordinary pole w/ a red-and-white plastic bobber. Brain, in a worn old workshirt and baseball cap, scans the sea with a spy glass, from atop the pilot station.)
BRAIN: This plan is sure to work, Pinky! Once we hunt down that giant shark that's been terrorizing this summer resort community, I shall achieve Hero status in the eyes of the wealthy vacationers, which shall certainly facillitate my Rise To Power! Toss some more chum overboard!
PINKY: Aye-Aye! (Pinky reaches down, and empties a scoop-full of bananna fish-head chumcycles into the ocean. Suddenly, the red-and-white bobber jerks and vanishes.) Brain! I think I've hooked something!
(Brain jumps down to the deck. Both mice ascend to the gunwale and peer intently into the water.)
BRAIN: I can't tell what it is... but then, it's hard to see between all those floating popcycle sticks... (doubletake) Pinky! Just what did you think I meant, when I instructed you to pack some 'chum'?
PINKY: Well, you'd said the 'chum' was for attracting sharks, so the first thing I thought of was...
BRAIN: (exasperated) PINKY! I've got news for you; No shark anywhere is attracted to the smell of 'artificial banana flavoring'! By now, we'll be lucky if there's any marine life left within a hundred miles!
PINKY: (still looking down) Ah, then what is that big torpedo-shaped thing, heading straight for us.....?
(The top-hatted head of a huge shark breaks the surface, right below the stern. The shark delicately fingers the bobber between his fin tips, smiling evilly.)
PINKY AND BRAIN: YAAAAHHH!!!!
(The shark lunges, engulfing both mice [plus a U-shaped chunk of the gunwale], and splashes back into the sea.)
CUT TO: Traveling shot of the shark, swimming contentedly along.)
PINKY'S VOICE: (muffled) Oh, poit! It's all dark and icky in here!
BRAIN'S VOICE: (also muffled) That's only to be expected, Pinky- we have been in this situation once before.
PINKY'S VOICE: Oh, right! When we got swallowed by that giant fugi fish, in 'Tokyo Grows.'
BRAIN'S VOICE: Not quite- the episode was called 'Big In Japan', though your confusion of titles is understandable.
(The shark looks less contented.)
PINKY'S VOICE: So what do we do now, Brain? Wait for the shark to take a rest, and sneak out through the gill slits?
BRAIN'S VOICE: Unfortunately, this particular species, Carcharodon carcharias, is 'pelagic'- an open-water dweller. Unlike bottom-feeding and reef sharks, pelagics do not normally 'rest' in the conventional sense. Due to their lack of a swim bladder, they have slightly negative bouyancy, so must swim continuously to avoid sinking.
(The shark begins to look annoyed.)
PINKY'S VOICE: You mean they *never* sleep? Zort! No wonder they're so cranky!
BRAIN'S VOICE: Well, there are some exceptions. Sharks have been discovered in sleep-like states, in certain underwater caves off the Yucatan Peninsula...
PINKY'S VOICE: Yucatan? Then may I-ca-tan, too? HaHa!
(Sound of a hard head-bop. The whole shark shudders.)
SHARK: (irate) Oh, fercryinoutloud! I've had enough of being dissected from the inside!
(The shark turns and races upwards, surfacing beside a boat dock. Taking a deep breath, he forcefully spits the mice out. They fly over the dock to impact with a hanging trophy-fish scale, their clothing snagging on the weighing hook.)
SHARK: I know we sharks are supposed to be able to swallow anything- but I'm making an exception with you two! What a pair of jabber-jaws!
(The shark dives out of sight. A couple of tourists stroll down the dock, pause to take a photo of the mice hanging from the hook, and move on.)
BRAIN: (sighs) Well, Pinky, the dock keeper should come by before evening to take us down... and then it's back to the Lab, to prepare for tomorrow night.
PINKY: (excited) I know what for! To Try to Take Over The World! NARF!
BRAIN: Yes. Hopefully, with somewhat less extranious zoological exposition. (Both mice turn somewhat resentful looks toward the camera.)
CUT TO: Sharklady at her word-processor, a big National Geographic shark poster on the wall behind her.)
SHARKLADY: I can't help it, guys! When the subject is sharks, that's what I do!
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