Posted by Sharklady on February 15, 1999 at 12:29:24:
In Reply to: A vote too far - Rewrite on my part. posted by Will on February 14, 1999 at 14:29:26:
CUT TO: Lab in the FBI Building. A ventillation grid above a counter opens, and two familiar white mice emerge.)
BRAIN: (looking about in satisfaction) We made it, Pinky! Behold, the most well-equiped crime-research facility in the world!
PINKY: Naarf! Look at all the pretty lights!
BRAIN: (slightly annoyed) On second thought, let's just get to work.
(Brain goes to a computer monitor- whose screen saver features flying J. Edgar Hoover busts- and starts typing.)
BRAIN: These files contain information on every anti-counterfeiting device installed in US currency. Once these are known to me, I'll be able to produce undetectable bills! Our financial problems will be over!
PINKY: (troubled) But, Brain, won't that cause devaluation of the currency, and damage to the entire American economy?
BRAIN: Another of your unpredictable 'intelligent moments', Pinky? Don't worry; I'll make just enough money to buy us a new laboratory. (glances about appreciatively) Prehaps I'll make a bid on this one...?
(Suddenly the lab door bursts open, and Molder, Scowly, and the Warners rush in. The mice and Warners regard each other with surprised recognition.)
PINKY: (waving happily) Hello, Dot, Wakko and Yakko!
DOT: Hi! Fancy meeting you here!
MOLDER: (frowning) Hey, I think these are the mice I've read reports about! Weren't you two involved in some scheme to use the Hubble telescope's mirrors to melt the polar ice caps?
SCOWLY: And another one, to redirect the moon's orbit, in order to control the tides...?
(The Warners politely but firmly push Molder and Scowly out of the room.)
WAKKO: It's okay, fellow agents- we know these guys! We'll take it from here.
(The Warners tightly shut the door, and bound back to Brain and Pinky.)
BRAIN: (nervously) Actually, we'd just stopped in to get a little information for a, printing project...
YAKKO: Relax, Brain! We're not going to interfere with your latest World Domination plan- they've always folded without our help.
DOT: In fact, we're glad you're here! We need to ask you to do us a favor.
BRAIN: (wary) What favor?
WAKKO: Have you heard about the internet poll USA Weekend is doing, to determine America's Most Popular Cartoon?
PINKY: I have! I made sure I voted in it, for The Smirks!
BRAIN: (dryly) And I made sure not to.
DOT: (bringing out a sheet of paper) Well, an interested party was monitoring the vote-count, one recent Friday evening, and found this pattern: evenly-spaced votes being entered, thirty times each minute, all for the same show. What would you say this indicates?
BRAIN: (studying the paper) It hardly requires a genius to interpret that. Somebody by-passed the laughably inadequate poll 'security' measures, and entered repeated votes.
PINKY: (eyes wide) You mean, they were... (lip trembles)... subverting the electoral process?
YAKKO: That's how we read it. And we want to find out who did it! That's why we need your assistance, Brain. (punches the poll URL into the computer) We figure, with your technological expertise, you can hack into the poll and find out where these bogus votes originated.
BRAIN: I do not habitually concern myself with such frivolities...
PINKY: (upset) Oh, Brain, you've got to help! This is so unfair to all the fans who only cast one vote! (fidgets guiltily) Or, just possibly two. Oh, pleeease Brain...?
BRAIN: (thinks a moment) Very well, Pinky; I shall do it as a courtesy to you. (more darkly) And also, because I find this kind of petty dishonestly, personally repugnant.
(Brain gets to work on the keyboard. Pinky sits dejectedly on the counter's edge.)
WAKKO: Aw, Pinky, don't let it get you down.
PINKY: But it's so sad! This poll was supposed to be for fun... and now, a few people have corrupted it! They're making supporters of other shows feel they have to use the same dishonest methods; they're planting all kinds of lasting hostilities.... (tearing up) I mean, Can't We All Just Get Along?! (Pinky buries his face in his hands)
YAKKO: (patting Pinky on the back) Ah, now; there there...
(Dot and Wakko turn angry looks toward the camera.)
DOT: Just look at what you lousy Cheaters have done- making Pinky cry!
WAKKO: (shaking a fist) Ooh, it's Personal now!
(Brain completes his downloading and prints a readout, handing it to the Warners.)
BRAIN: I believe you shall find this useful to your investagation.
(The Warners eagerly peruse the sheet.)
YAKKO: Will it ever! Thanks, Brain!
(The Warners troop out, each giving Brain a [very lite] high-four as they pass him. In the hallway, they rejoin Scowly and Molder.)
DOT: We've some got leads now- the Game's Afoot!
MOLDER: (gesturing toward lab) But, what about...?
WAKKO: Oh, don't worry about those mice. They're just trying to take over the world- *we're* out to catch the Poll Cheats!
(Cut Back to Lab, where Brain sympathetically regards a still-depressed Pinky.)
BRAIN: I'll tell you what, Pinky... global conquest can wait a few more days. How would you like to take a trip to Disney World?
PINKY: (brightening) Oh, I'd like that a lot, Brain! But, are we allowed to...?
BRAIN: Yes, we are, now that 'Mouseworks' has been been getting such good reviews. (Together, they walk back to the ventillator grid) And while we're there, I intend to study, by what means a mouse was able to achieve such lasting popularity...
- continued -